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Conflicts have the power to transform.

Transformative mediation does not focus on agreement as a primary goal. Coming to an agreement and satisfying positions is not necessarily success if remaining in that relationship the parties continue to be unhappy, or they repeat the same cycles with others that create the same challenges for them.

Saying you’re sorry could be the start. Acknowledgement backed up with new behaviours over time of self-awareness, ownership and new sensitivities to the needs and perspective of other is where some of the true pearls lie.  Learning and trusting that you have the potential to solve increasingly challenging problems together, learning how you can really listen to understand and what you need to feel heard are a few of many ways people can begin to rebuild.

Transformative mediators create the conditions for people to experience whatever they perceive success to be, so that they can build from there, begin to cast out pearls of courage that share what they need and who they are.

I believe in being as ‘non-invasive’ as possible, the more work and engagement by those in conflict, the better. The more decisions the parties make and agree to about the process they want me to guide, the more experience they get at finding places of agreement versus disagreement and recognizing the issues that can be addressed separately. Creating the opportunity and conditions for people to agree and disagree successfully and productively helps to build conflict handling confidence.

The presence of a mediator changes many things about the dynamic between two or more people in conflict. The sooner those involved can resume their relationship and communication without the presence or influence of a mediator, the sooner they begin to rebuild in their more natural state.