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Unflappable you!
February 5th, 2020

No matter how calm and unshakable we think we have become, there’s sure to be a wee bit of flap left in you when you least expect it!

There always seems to be that illusive situation, that repeated trigger that gets to us and causes us to be unhinged and send us into a flap.

That situation, that personality type or approach, even a phrase that triggers a reaction reminds us we are human and not complete Zen-bots. Regardless of how much time, energy and money we have invested in the emotional intelligence account, those events no matter how infrequent, make us wonder whether we have learned anything at all!

There can be triggers so deep rooted in our identity needs, even though we know of them, they can be a stubborn shift. When they do happen, I tend to revert to an old favorite: attachment.

What is it that I am so attached to in this trigger event? What is it that is really at stake here? What am I so afraid of losing? Why is this issue so precious to me?

Once I think I understand or am in touch with the attachment, what it is I am fiercely resisting parting with, only then can I begin to relax the strength of the attachment. Like a taught elastic band I can release it a bit. Acknowledgement internally goes a long way to helping us shift. I can relax my relationship to the perceived threat. I can remind myself gently that I am a heap of conditioning, un-conditioning, biases, preferences, traits, habits and other bits and bobs that interfere with communication! 

I can remind myself that it’s not always easy to behave the way your frontal lobe expects you to when your amygdala is fighting a huge battle all on its own and is demanding the aid of your entire brain! The hijack is on.

The sooner I relax my attachment to what I was holding onto, even ease the grip a bit if I cannot let go, suddenly all kinds of movement is possible. Shift can happen from freeing yourself even a wee bit, and movement is how we get places, how we go forward. 

Ultimately the flap is an important signal. How we use the signal can either see us grounded or can see us free to fly again!